When I was 5 or 6 years old, I was abused by my cousin, who was 18.
I tried to tell my aunt what had happened, but she slapped me and said I was telling lies. I buried this secret deep inside me and from that moment on I lost all trust in other people.
At 18, I got engaged to a boy whom I thought loved me back. I got pregnant and we got married; I thought I could finally be happy with my husband and our son, but instead my life turned into another nightmare.
I discovered that my husband was addicted to sex; there were porn videos and magazines full of filth at home. He cheated on me constantly and I had many abortions. I tried to kill myself but didn’t succeed because I was saved.
One day I decided to make a clean break from all this; a couple I knew told me about a job abroad and I accepted, thinking it was a way out. I travelled thousands of kilometres to reach this country, but I found myself facing yet another deception because I ended up working in a nightclub. Another nightmare. Inside, I felt dead.
My tormentors took my passport to make sure I couldn’t escape; I was constantly threatened or harassed by men—married and well-off. I was constantly threatened by these men because of my son, whom I was keeping at home illegally, and I risked losing him due to the intervention of social workers. I also turned to an astrologer who kept drawing up astrological charts for me; I trusted him, but this led me even further into the darkness.
I have spent my whole life searching for true love, but those relationships brought me nothing but suffering and pain, to the point where I no longer wanted to live. One day I tried to kill myself again by car, but at that moment I asked God for help and that help came to me immediately. Those voices I heard telling me to kill myself suddenly vanished and an incredible peace came into my heart. I went home and immediately hugged my son.
A few days later, I was offered a job and there I met a man who later became my husband. We were a couple like so many others who base their marriage on their own strength, and so we too went through crises, living at first like two strangers despite having also begun our journey together with the Lord. Furthermore, I had a rift in my relationship with my son, who even stopped speaking to me for two years.
I remember the first time we went to Cantonuovo for the baptism in the Spirit; during the worship, I had the feeling that Jesus was walking among us. When I received the baptism, I felt God’s love in my heart so great that I could hardly bear it. I burst into tears because that love filled every corner of my being.
I said to the Lord: “Why do you love me like this? I’ve been a disgrace in my life; I’m someone to be thrown away and burned. Yet you love me like this, with that great love.” A love I couldn’t bear, great and disarming, a love that brought me to my knees, that broke my heart.
He showed me how much He loves me, He warmed my whole being, He restored everything that was broken; I began to love myself, I realised that I am a temple of God, that I have been chosen by Him, I discovered why I was born.
After all this, I began to walk in the light, helped by my brothers and sisters at Cantonuovo with such gentleness, patience and love. I learnt to love my husband as the Lord loves him; we founded our marriage IN God in 2018 and soon after I was also reconciled with my son.
I thank the Lord who has given me a wonderful family like Cantonuovo, true friends; I thank my intimate Friend, my Teacher, my Father, who gave His life for me and rose again, Yeshua; I thank Him for that love He has given me freely.
I am a daughter of God and He loves me.