Although I had sought Him by following many misleading paths, He drew me to Himself.

For many years of my life I sought the Lord through many and varied paths. Raised in the Catholic faith, I left it, like many, in my youth.

After marriage and two children, life led me through illness—a cancer followed by a long period of depression and then separation.

Having emerged from that tunnel, my life went on as normal, but always without God. Another relationship, after 10 years, also fell apart.

Then came my mother’s death, after which I began to ask myself many questions about the meaning of life, about our existence here as fleeting meteors, doing so many things—some beautiful and important—only for us, our plans and our works to vanish. I felt then that there was something else, a life beyond this one, a greater plan for us, more important than what we were striving for every day.

This is where my conscious and personal search for God began—not a God imposed from above or described by others, but a God I could feel and connect with.

I went from one seminar to another, took courses in personal development – and what they ‘called’ spiritual development – and learnt techniques to discover my true self and connect with energy: yoga, shamanism, family constellations, right up to pilgrimages to India involving ashrams, Indian rituals and meditations. And here, too, I believed I had found the way.

When I spoke with the friends with whom I shared these activities, questioning one another about what we were seeking, I always replied “I am seeking God” “I want to be one with Him.”

This came from the heart and I was convinced of it, but I didn’t know exactly what it meant. I felt the great pull towards Him in its entirety, but I didn’t know who He was.

Through meditation, following a Hindu tradition that placed Jesus at the centre of the lineage of gurus, I thought I could reach Him and know Him.

I did all this for years, with meditations, discipleships, initiations into Kriya Yoga and other such things, and I even believed I was fine as I was. But the Lord showed me that all of this was a deception and that He was not there.

It happened when my niece invited me to Cantonuovo for a seminar on Family Tree Healing. I thought it was an excellent opportunity to let go of some burdens that weren’t mine, so I went.

My first impression was one of great wonder at these strange people who were singing and praising God aloud, with music and hands raised to the sky. For me, as someone who practised meditation, it was simply inconceivable. However, I was very impressed, also by the content and the teachings. Everyone was so lovely and welcoming. They asked me to pray for myself. I agreed, and this was another strange thing for me, because I had never seen it done in that way before. It was a wonderful two days, and I even went so far as to receive the Holy Spirit, which I thought was light and energy – elements familiar to my meditative journey.

When I got home, however, I was no longer the same.

In my heart I felt a great love, a great joy, almost euphoria, a presence of pure love I had never felt before….

I had met Jesus.

He was right there inside me.

He had always been there, close to me, waiting for me to notice Him.  

I was cheerful, full of vitality and joy. To those who asked me what had happened, I replied that I was in love. And that is how I felt: in love with Jesus.

Sometimes, caught up in the daily grind, it felt as though I had lost Him, that I could no longer feel Him. So I would pause for a moment, close my eyes… and there He was! My heart was once again filled with love. He was always there!

Since then, Jesus has taken me by the hand; I have entrusted my life to Him with confidence, allowing myself to be shaped and changed little by little, and He has done so over the years in a gentle yet radical way. I realised this when, in familiar situations that I found myself reliving in my life, I reacted and behaved in a completely different way than before, with peace, gentleness and trust.

On those occasions, I saw for myself how much He had changed me without any effort on my part, in a gentle way, because the things I was letting go of, one by one, in my life no longer felt like mine and I could therefore abandon them without sacrifice to walk new paths… His!