My experience of praise: a process of letting go of my whole self, freeing myself from the sense of need that was making me unhappy
Experiencing praise has been a process for me. Breaking down the various mental structures I had built up in the way I addressed the Lord enabled me to experience prayer.
First, in the sense that I could finally ask him for something; then, that I could entrust myself completely to him; and finally, that I could praise him. Above all, I realised that you don’t need to feel anything in particular to be able to praise him, and that praise isn’t linked to our state of mind or how we feel.
Following the separation, I found myself in the position of looking for a full-time job, which at that time was by no means easy, but God always opens the way. I had applied to a company in Siena that was hiring a lot of people at the time and they had given me high hopes, but the famous call never came. Naturally, I kept praying. I’d had to resign from my previous job to be available straight away, so I wouldn’t have any salary for that month.
I had never found myself in such a situation before. I was truly worried and kept mustering all my human strength, but naturally nothing happened. Exhausted by my own efforts, I suddenly raised my arms to the sky and, for the first time, prayed in a different way: ‘Lord, I want to praise you, I want to bless your holy name because you are Emmanuel, God with us; you are holy, you are powerful, you are wonderful…’ and so I continued for quite some time.
That was a completely different state for me, unlike the usual one, where I let go of my own self and that state of constant need that did not make me happy.
I experienced that God dwells in the praise of his people, that he asks us for a sacrifice of praise because he is always the same, that in every circumstance it is beautiful to praise him, especially when everything seems to be going wrong, because you realise that those cages that prevent you from feeling free are being broken down. Naturally, the job came along and it was the best I’ve ever had.